Blinded
by Editor-Bug
Summary: After a little incident with Shelly, Stan loses his eyesight. And not long before the new Terrance & Phillip; what a nightmare! ONE-SHOT! Read & review if you like! Rated T for language.


"Hey, turd, gimme that remote!" Shelly snatched the remote from her brother. "Dance Moms is on at five o' clock, DOI!"

"Ughhh! But Shelly, the Terrance & Phillip marathon was about to come on! And at eight, there's a new episode!"

"Too bad! Now get off the couch!"

"Ow!" Stan cried as he was shoved to the floor. "Bitch..."

He quickly got to his feet and hurried into his parents' room.

"Mom, Dad! Can I watch the TV in here?"

Randy didn't take his eyes off the screen. "Uh, sorry, Stan, we're watching the Dance Moms marathon."

"Yeah, just watch TV downstairs, okay?" said Sharon.

"Shelly's watching the exact same thing, just go watch with her!"

"UHM. Dance Moms isn't really something you watch with other people, Stanley."

"But you two are watching it together, why can't you watch with Shelly?"

"STAN," Randy gave his son a stern look. "Okay, alright. Stan? That's enough."

"AUGH!" Stan slammed the door. "Damn Shelly! Damn her straight to- -"

"TUUURD! GET DOWN HERE _NOW!_ "

"Coming!"

Over time, Stan had learned that it was best just to do what Shelly said as quickly as possible and hope she was too tired to give him a black eye.

"My period started today," Shelly told him. "So go down to the store and get me some tampons!"

"But I don't have any money! I spent it all on a freemium game, remember? I'm STILL broke. Still."

"Fine! Here's ten dollars," Shelly handed him the money. "Make sure to bring back the change, you little brat! And I know how much those tampons cost! If I see _one cent_ missing- -"

"You'll run me over with the lawn mower again, I know." Stan was already out the door.

He sort of wanted to leave the house anyway to blow off some steam. His family was so obnoxious sometimes.

Before he knew it, Stan had purchased the tampons and was back at his front door. And dammit, he had to pee.

"Why didn't I just go at the store?!" He hobbled up the stairs and cracked his sister's bedroom door open, throwing the change and the box of tampons onto her bed. "Here, take your stupid tampons!"

Stan hopped across the hallway and opened the bathroom door...a bit too quickly.

"AHHHH!" He screamed at the sight of his sister's naked body. "MY EYES! They're BLEEDING!"

"GET OUT OF HERE, TURD!" A fuming Shelly dashed to the door and closed it right in Stan's face.

"OH, GOD!"

Stumbling, Stan somehow managed to get into his room. Once atop his bed, he removed his hands from his eyes...and he could barely see. The blurred figures of his hands were covered in blood.

"Oh...oh, my God."

Stan threw up.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

 _"You think that's bad?"_ Peter Griffin asked for the 20th time in the past ten minutes. _"Remember the time I married my own son for inheritance money?"_

"Heh-heh. I remember that," Kyle chuckled to himself.

"How many times is this butthole going to say that?" Cartman groaned.

The phone rang and Kyle picked it up. "Hello?"

Cartman leaned over to listen. "Who is it?"

Stan's voice came in, and Kyle could tell he was pinching the bridge of his nose. "Dude, Kyle, get over here NOW, I am going _blind._ "

 _"What?"_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

When Kyle and Cartman got to Stan's house, they went to his room, and found him sitting on his bed. He had his hands over his eyes and his gloves were caked in blood.

"Guys, is that you?" he asked, hearing the door open.

"Uh, yeah, it's us," Kyle greeted awkwardly. "Hey, dude..."

"Gross..." uttered Cartman.

"H-Hey, guys." Stan kept his hands over his eyes. "Is Kenny here too?"

Cartman put a hand over his mouth and spoke. "Yeah, I'm right here, Stan."

"Oh, good," Stan sighed in relief.

"NOOO," Kyle jabbed the snickering Cartman in the side. "We went to get Kenny, but his parents told us some bastard dog killed him while he was shitting in a bush this morning. Anyway, what happened to you?"

"I-I saw Shelly getting out of the shower..."

"EWWWW!" cried Cartman and Kyle.

"I know! Look, can you just bandage up my eyes, Kyle? They hurt like hell."

"Well, okay," Kyle sat left of Stan and started fiddling with his kit as Cartman sat on the right. "Good thing I brought my first aid kit. Lemme see your eyes, Stan."

Stan uncovered his eyes, revealing his dilated pupils and bleeding sockets.

"YEEEE!" Kyle flinched. He quickly began bandaging Stan's eyes. "Lemme just...take care of that..."

"That's so gross that you saw you sister naked, Stan," Cartman remarked. "If I were you, I would've blown chunks."

"I...kinda did, on the edge of the bed," Stan pointed.

Kyle and Cartman turned and saw the tossed cookies.

 _"SICK!"_

"This is all Shelly's fault for not locking the damn door!" said Stan, just as Kyle finished wrapping up his head. "When I see that bitch, I'm gonna- -"

"You're gonna WHAT, turd?!" Cartman yelled, doing a near-perfect impersonation of Shelly.

"AHHHH!" Stan shrieked, clinging to Kyle. "I DIDN'T MEAN IT SHELLY DON'T HURT ME!"

"Cartman!" Kyle scolded. Cartman just kept on laughing.

Stan suddenly gasped and sat up. "Oh my God! Guys, if I'm blind, how am I gonna watch the new Terrance & Phillip?!"

"...well, looks like you're gonna need to learn Braille in the next two hours," Cartman replied.

"Braille isn't gonna help him watch TV, dumbass!" snapped Kyle.

"How about you quit sassin' me?"

"Look, we're just gonna have to get your sight back somehow...before the new Terrance & Phillip starts," said Kyle, patting Stan's back. "By the way, why'd you rush into the bathroom in the first place?"

"Oh, God," Stan jolted upright. "I just remembered I had to pee! Now I have to pee again, my bladder's filling! Kyle, get me to the bathroom!"

Kyle raised his hands in defense. " _Gross,_ I'm not helping you pee!"

Stan turned and reached for Cartman. "Cartman?"

"..."

"Dude, I know you're still there!"

"No, I'm not!"

"Somebody help, I'm gonna wet myself!"

"Ewww!" Kyle stood from the bed. "I'm gonna go get your dad."

"Hurry up!"

Soon enough, Kyle came back with Stan's dad.

"Okay, we're here," Kyle announced. "Where's Cartman?"

"Gee, Kyle, I dunno," Stan said bitterly. "I didn't see him leave."

Randy pulled his son off of the bed. "Alright, come on, Stan, let's get you to the bathroom, I'm missing Dance Moms."

"PLEASE."

After Stan and Randy had gone, Kyle went to go look for Cartman. He was most likely downstairs eating all of the Marshes' food...

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Stan finished taking his piss and washing his hands. He tried looking in the mirror, but of course, he still couldn't see shit. Or anything else, for that matter.

He went feeling around for the door so he could find his friends. He stepped out of the bathroom, and got nervous when he thought he was in front of the stairs.

"Okay, Stan. You've gone up and down these stairs, like, a million times. You can do this."

He took a deep breath, and one step forward.

He rolled all the way down the stairs and nearly broke his spine.

"Ow...YOW..." moaned Stan. He painfully stood up and shook himself off. "This sucks so much ass. I was put on this earth to watch Terrence & Phillip! Now my stupid sister has botched up my purpose in life! She just has to botch up EVERYTHING for me..."

Unbeknowest to Stan, Shelly was only a few feet away from him, and she heard every word. She shook with rage, ready to punch Stan. She paused when she heard him sniffling.

"Godammit..." he wiped tears from beneath his bandages. "I just don't get why she hates me so much...what did I do...?"

Shelly watched him turn and drag his feet into the kitchen. She opened her mouth to call him a pussy or a crybaby, but nothing coming out.

She didn't hate Stan. When they were younger, the two of them actually got along well, but the more upset Shelly got, the miserable she made life for Stan. She found it easy taking out all her worldly frustrations on him.  
But it wasn't like he was a bad little brother...so, it probably wasn't fair of her to treat him like one.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Kyle? Cartman? Are you guys eating all our food?"

Cartman gulped. "No."

"Then what did you just swallow?"

"That's a very personal question, Stan."

"I-I tried to stop him," Kyle said as he shook his head.

"ANYWAY, what am I supposed to do now? I asked my dad and he said it'll probably be at least a day or two until I can see again. They're not even gonna take me to the hospital until Dance Moms is over," Stan sighed. "So I guess I'll just have to miss the new Terrance and Philip."

"Yep, guess so," nodded Cartman. "OW!"

Kyle had just punched him in the arm. "Don't be so insensitive, fatass!"

"Oh, thanks, Kyle," Stan said lovingly. "So you're gonna stay here and miss the episode with me, right? ...Kyle?"

Kyle and Cartman were long gone. Stan hung his head.

"Wow, guys, thanks for all your help...top-tier friends..."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

A few days had passed since Stan lost his vision. Thankfully, he'd been taken to the hospital and Dr. Doctor was able to restore it.

Still, he was pretty pissed that he'd missed the latest Terrance & Philip episode. When his friends and family came to visit him, he'd made sure they didn't spoil it for him. He couldn't help but notice that Shelly was very quiet during the visit.

But now they had gone, so Stan was just sitting there in bed, sulking. At least he'd be going home the next day. He turned on his side to try and fall asleep, and after doing so, he noticed a DVD on his bedside table. He was certain it hadn't been there before...maybe one of the nurses had left it there?

Overcome with curiosity, Stan got out of bed and popped the disk into his TV.

 _"It's Terrance & Philip starring Terrance and Philip! Tonight's episode: Part 2 of the Fart Wars Trilogy! Ha-ha!"_

Stan gasped. "The new Terrance and Philip..."

As he sat rapt with attention at the episode, he had to wonder who had gone to the trouble of doing this favor for him. But he had a pretty good idea.

* * *

(A/N: HOOO yet another story I have been sitting on for such a long-ass time. I kinda forget what my mindset was when I first came up with it and wrote it out...but oh, well. I care about fictional siblings and I hope you enjoyed it.

If so, please review, fave, point out any mistakes and check out my profile for more! Au revoir!)


End file.
